||[Sep. 14th, 2003|06:51 pm]
Todd and Brandy|
We had just moved into what seemed like our 6th house. It was hot and I was working part time and making some good money. My stepbrother and his friend Mike moved in with us after Todd’s mother had kicked them both out of her house. My stepfather had always wanted his son to live with him and jumped at the chance to make it come true. I didn’t really mind them moving in though. It was kind of nice to have someone to talk to about whatever whenever. Plus Mike wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes. He had the most amazing green eyes I have ever seen in my entire life. They played pool all the time and got drunk every chance they got. They put a mini fridge that we had in the garage in their room and kept it filled with beer. Sometimes I would give Todd or mike some money and they would buy me some drinks too. I never had developed a taste for beer and always drank the fruity things. What can I say; I’m a girl. I thought it was great having them there. They taught me some cool moves at the pool table, could get drunk with my friends, and didn’t have to worry about going to down stairs to see my parents. My little brother dean was cool about it too. I didn’t tell on him and he didn’t tell on me. We had an understanding.
It was only after a few weeks of them living with us did I realize they were into drugs. I knew they were but didn’t really know how into it they were. They would spend hours in their room listening to Pearl Jam and getting high. Sometimes dean would go in their with them and come out looking like he was sleep walking and laughing at everything I said to him. I wasn’t into it because A. I had a job and didn’t want to lose it by some random drug test results, B. I didn’t know anything about drugs, and C. I was kinda scared to try it.
That didn’t last long and my curiosity got the better of me. After a late night of playing pool we all poured our drunken selves into the other room. There was Todd, Mike, Me, Dean, and the girlfriends, Ashley and Brandy. Everyone sat around the coffee table and Todd pulled a clear baggie out of his gym bag. In it was this green leaf looking stuff and a green glass pipe. I had never seen either before up close and I felt the sense of thrill run through my veins. He dumped the bag on the table and began to pull it apart into little pieces and then stuffed it into the end of the pipe. He handed it to Mike who lit it and inhaled. He passed the pipe to Ashley, who did the same and passed it all around the table. Then came my turn, “No thanks.” I mumbled and pushed it back to Todd.
“Awe come on. You gotta take some.” He said to me.
“No really, no thanks.” I said again.
“Your loss.” He said and passed it back to Mike to start the second round.
I got light headed just from the fumes in the room and I felt fine. I don’t really remember much of that night.
Starting from then on, everyone was more open about it. I guess they felt they no longer had anything to hide and I couldn’t say anything without incriminating myself. After a few weeks I would drive with mike or Todd the 45 minutes to pick up of drop off the girls. We became more like friends instead of brother and sister. On these rides they would bring a joint or two and smoke it while I drove. This was the first time I ever got high and it made it easier if I just thought of it as a cigarette.
One night one of Todd and Mike’s friends was having a party and I got invited along to go. I would like to think that it was because I was fun to hang around with but in reality it was because I had my own car. Before we even got on the highway Todd had me stop at a gas station and he got a few beers and some wine coolers. I drank 3 wine coolers and we decided to sop again. This time he got me a big bottle of Smirnoff Ice. I finished it in the final 20 min of the trip. I was a happy camper. I also have a high tolerance for alcohol so after all this I was only slightly buzzed, but felt great.
We got to the party and there were already 5 or 6 people there. They had set up some turntables and had some funky lights going on. It was cool though. I got myself a Skky Blue Vodka and chilled on the couch next to Leah, on of the girls’ friends. The funny thing about Leah is that you never have to invite her, she just shows up. You may not even tell her about anything going on and she knows the whole story. But I find her cool to talk too. I got up to get my second vodka and Todd and some guy left for another beer run and to pick up some other people. They came back 30 min later with 4 other guys and every one of them was carrying a case of beer.
I grabbed my third drink and everyone came out from the rooms and one guy had this huge blue glass bong in his hand. I knew exactly what they were going to do, but I was scared because I didn’t know what to do. Todd took a hit and then passed it to one of his friends and then yelled out,
“Hey let my sister hit it! She’s never done it before.”
My first thought was, “Great, now everyone knows that I don’t know what I’m doing and they will all laugh at me.”
But the one guy, Kevin, was really nice and told me what to when and when to do it. He lit and I hit.
I thought my lungs were going to explode. They itched and burned at the same time. Todd kept telling me to hold it in for as long as I possibly could. I finally gave up and let it out in a coughing fit.
“Yeah man, that’s what I’m talking about!” said Todd.
I didn’t really feel any different, so I hit again. I hadn’t even let my back touch the couch before I was totally out of it. My eyes began to move to the music and the flashing lights. My arms weighed 500 pounds apiece and I couldn’t feel anything. I just remember after that hearing Ashley say,
“ Hardly anyone can ever hit off a bong their first time.”
This made me feel almost proud of my delinquent self. Kevin got up and proceeded to do impersonations and make fun of everyone. It was too funny. I even began to wonder if my Skky Blue was really blue. I asked Leah and she said she had no idea. So we decided to test it and find out if it was really blue or if the label was bullshitting us. I poured what was left of my bottle into my hand and Leah leaned over to see.
“Yeah, it is. How weird!” she said and we both started laughing.
About this time nature calls and I make my way to the bathroom. I get in there and turn on the light only to be hit by a wall of half naked girls plastered all over the place. I don’t mind the occasional display of the female body, but this was overkill. It was one of those times where you were afraid to touch anything because it might be covered in something slimy. I got out of there as soon as possible and headed to the kitchen again for a beverage refill. I had lost count of how many I had, but I knew I was having a good time. I sat on the couch for a few minutes and began to wonder if everyone is staring at me. I kept thinking,
“ Do they notice that I’m not moving? Maybe I should move a little.”
You could call it paranoia or whatever, but that was all I could think about. I would slowly move my hand or my arm or turn and smile, but never too much to draw attention to myself. Now over time I have come to notice that everybody gets giggly and laughs at the stupidest things and gets the munchies. Pizza was delivered and everyone practically attacked the pizza dude trying to get some. But not me. I sat on the couch in a daze. Time went by so slow and I could feel the seconds ticking by like minutes. It took too much energy to laugh at anything and I was nowhere near hungry. Even for a day or so afterwards I didn’t eat. I thought to myself that this would be a great diet, no eating means I lose more weight. But after that night I partied sporadically and didn’t fuss over it when I didn’t.
Todd and mike lived with us for about 3 months when mike got Ashley pregnant. She was only 16 and he was 22, married, and already had a kid. She ended up having an abortion and Mike moved to Milwaukee to live with his grandparents. Brandy stayed around with Todd and they dipped into doing more hard-core drugs like XTC and cocaine. I never touched the stuff and had no intention to ever do so.
One night after Todd had taken Brandy home using his dads van, he asked me if I wanted to play chess with him. Sure I thought, I haven’t played in forever. We set the board up on the mattress on the floor in his room and listened to some mixed cd he had. He began to tell me that he had been on coke for 3 days and hasn’t slept at all. I set up the pieces and he pulled over a yellow dish from behind the couch. It had white powder all over it and he scooped it into 3 heavy lines. One by one he snorted them and tossed the plate aside. I just looked at him and said, “Your move.”
We played for 5 minutes before it happened. He picked up a pawn and then just leaned forward, hitting his left shoulder on my left knee. He began to shake and spasm uncontrollably. I jumped up and stood there, I had no idea what the hell to do. He began to bleed from his nose and breath really hard really fast. I tried to push him over off the mattress so that he wouldn’t choke or suffocate but he weighed so much. I pushed with all my strength and got him onto his side. His breathing became less erratic and he began to open his eyes. He sat up and just looked around for a few minutes trying to figure out where he was.
“Whoa, that was weird,” he said groggily.
I just stood there staring at him. Scared, confused, lost, I didn’t know what just happened or what to do. He leaned over like he was about to stand up and it happened all over again. Again I tried to roll him over and keep him from breathing into the mattress. He sat up and wiped off his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
“I gotta see my daddy. I don’t feel good. Man my stomach hurts.”
“You can’t go downstairs like this Todd! What just happened?!”
He wouldn’t take no for an answer and tried to walk down the stairs on his own. He missed steps and leaned over into the wall. I held him up and kept him from completely falling down the spiral stairs and smashing his head into the marble floor. He walked in my parent’s bedroom and told his dad he wasn’t feeling well and that he wanted to throw up. I sat on the edge of the bed and listen to my mom say,
“Aww, is da baby sick? Does he need his daddy?”
She though it was so funny and all I could do was sit there and try not to look too concerned. After 10 minutes I left to go to my room and told everyone goodnight, just like I always do.
I sat in my room for an hour and Todd came up and sat next to me.
“All I can say is that I’m sorry.”
“What happened to you? You were shaking and breathing funny.”
It’s happened to me a few times before, but I promise it will never happen again.”
All that night I couldn’t get the picture of Todd falling over out of my head. Over and over again in slow motion it played. I kept asking myself what would I have done if he had died or hurt himself. I just didn’t know what to say or do. After that night I kept my distance from Todd and we didn’t party as often.
We moved out of that house a few months later and brandy moved in with us. Big mistake. Mom couldn’t stand her. She never cleaned up after herself and never got a job. She ended up getting pregnant and mom kicked her and Todd out. They ended up moving in with Brandy’s mom. I didn’t see either one again until the baby was born. She had a really short labor and everyone there was saying how quick it was. What most of them didn’t know was that this was Brandy’s second kid. The first one lives with its dad and she never sees it. After Alexis was born everybody was holding her and Brandy couldn’t’ have cared less. My mother and I had made a bet that she would be gone in 3 months and leave the baby with Todd. I don’t know if she did leave because I haven’t talked with either of them in months.